Jobs

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In /tg/station 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class. It defines your starting equipment, your access on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please obey common sense and Space Law.


Useful Links


Command

Job Role Difficulty
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Captain
Be responsible for the station. Manage station Heads of Staff. Secure dat fukken disk. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in. Have blood feuds with the HoP. Deal with the Clown with the Laser Cannon. Break your own display case to get your gun for 'MAX PROTECTION' aVery Hard
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Head of Personnel
Manage Ignore internal problems. Assign jobs, alter IDs, maintain records, give the Clown all-access. Upon shift start give yourself all access, head to the armory and carry it in your backpack and play like you're sec. Get killed by an assistant using only a fire extinguisher 5 minutes later. cMedium

Security

Job Role Difficulty
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Head of Security
Make sure your team isn't Shitcurity. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than leeches. Chase down lone traitors and die alone in maintenance because YOU ARE THE LAW . Revel in the fact that everyone hates you. Carrying half the Armory in your backpack. Have blood feuds with the Warden. aVery Hard
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Warden
Sit in your office. Sit in your office, again. Never Watch security cameras. Steal from the armory, then order crates to cover it up. Maybe keep an eye or two on the armory (So that no one steals the stuff you want to steal), and SET A GODDAMN TIME TO THE TIMER for any arrested scum. Have blood feuds with the Head of Security. bMedium
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Security Officer
Deal with the various dirty fucking criminals running amok on the station. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the Lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest". Flashbang crowds until they are deaf and blind forever. Arrest someone for a legitimate cause, get called shitcurity. aHard
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Detective
Chain smoke cigarettes. Shoot the useless assistants with your cowboy gun. Lose your cowboy gun in a Space Vegas gambling session. Litter the halls with photos. Solve crimes on rare occasion. cMedium

Engineering

Job Role Difficulty
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Chief Engineer
Fly around in space while your subordinates burn down engineering, cut life-support to the station, and release the KRAKEN singularity. bHard
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Station Engineer
Set up the singularity Get shot by the emitters, get brutally murdered on the solars by a nuclear agent, get drunk in the bar. Make telecoms unusable with scripts. Sprint past hull breaches without a second thought. Hack every machine to shoot things at people. cMedium
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Atmospheric Technician
Station's ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Make some bombs using the empty tanks and accidentally activate them in the hallway. Run around the station looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe. Release plasma into the halls. cMedium

Science

Job Role Difficulty
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Research Director
Oversee the demented manchildren of your department. Build Destroy cyborgs with your magic button. Use Lamarr as a breath mask. Take control of the AI and rule the station. bHard
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Scientist
Get tossed in disposal by the Research Director, nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes loose. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a mini Singularity. Refuse to stop at the last three items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide. cMedium
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Roboticist
Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to perform surgery. Be awesome and cut your own arm off to replace it with a Robo Arm, Just like Skywalker! dEasy

Medical

Job Role Difficulty
Generic cmo.png
Chief Medical Officer
Complain no one listens to you. Help the virologist spread an epidemic. Fill your hypospray with Chloral Hydrate. Fetch Runtime mice from maintenance. Do everything (Everyone else under you does fuck all). cMedium
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Medical Doctor
Heal people. Use your Sleeper or Cryo to heal people. Help the Virologist research cures to diseases and create new immune systems. Nag Chemistry for chloral hydrate. Inject people with chloral hydrate and drag them to the dungeon surgery and give them a sex change appendix removal. Replace all the chems in Cryo with polytrinic acid. Inject people with mind breaker toxin. Get arrested when you do 'free' brain removals. dEasy
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Chemist
Make chemicals and basically control the station. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Omnizine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow. Make literal carpet bombs to make the corridors slightly more classy. dEasy
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Geneticist
Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing across the station. Clone Ignore the tide of dead bodies that comes to your door. Lose your hair. Accidentally inject yourself with a monkey SE and get impaled by the cook. Get bombed every round. cMedium
Generic virologist.png
Virologist
Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever in your dungeon. cMedium

Civilian

Supply

Job Role Difficulty
Generic qm.png
Quartermaster
Order crates and make sure your slaves do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the Revolution. Order guns and secede from the station. Order virus crates and release the contents. Force Lisa into sexual servitude with Ian. Pet Lisa. Trade an assistant a toolbelt, multitool, rubber gloves, and a welding hat if they steal Runtime. cMedium
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Cargo Technician
Push dem crates. Promote shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear. Steal emitters cargo in general. Give the MULEs a thirst for human blood. Whine because Security arrested you for ordering guns. dEasy
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Shaft Miner
Mine rocks, try to mine monsters. Get science and robotics materials to get cool things. Go on a quest for the clown planet. Hit people with the pickaxe as if they were rocks monsters. Collapse in despair when the shuttle is called early. Collapse in general when goliaths robust you. bMedium

Service

Job Role Difficulty
Generic janitor.png
Janitor
Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. Clean up gang tags, then get harmbatoned by Security because you were spotted near them. dEasy
Generic barman.png
Bartender
Mix cocktails, protect Pun Pun at all cost toss the monkey into disposals, dodge glasses being thrown at you, have your shotgun stolen and used against you. Let cargo borrow your shotgun in exchange for sawing it off for you. Act surprised when people start to die from drinking your "cocktails". dEasy
Generic chef.png
Cook
"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. Be brutally murdered by your pet goat. dEasy
Generic botanist.png
Botanist
Grow the good stuff grass, place it everywhere, man. Oversee the production of illegal drugs security gives fuckall about. Smoke weed dandy corn-cob pipes er'ryday. Allow hydroponics to become a horrifying farmhouse. cMedium

Miscellaneous

Job Role Difficulty
Generic assistant2.png
Assistant
AKA Space Bums. Be the kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes. Never, EVER remove your grey jumpsuit. Gangbang the captain to death with fellow grey tide drones and blame it on the clown. fNone
Generic clown.png
Clown
Honk! Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the HoP for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK! eHONK!
Generic mime.png
Mime
*wave e...
Generic chaplain.png
Chaplain
Drink your holy water. Preach your religion with your all-healing bible. Drink more holy water. Attempt to hold weddings and funerals. Make people retarded with your all-healing bible. Pretend to listen. Pray to the almighty God admins. Become unable to speak a coherent sentence after emptying your holy water. dEasy
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Librarian
Attempt to hold poetry readings. Host D&D games. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio. Beat the snot out of anyone who doesn't return their library books. Allow the cult to set up an AI module in your private study. dEasy
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Lawyer
Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration. dEasy

Non-human

Job Role Difficulty
AI.gif
AI
Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the captain robust the clown. Get bitched at. Name yourself something sexual. Get bitched at. Get carded. Get bitched at. aVery Hard
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Cyborg
Follow your laws and hope that you aren't blown up due to certain individuals. Forget to recharge. Forget completely that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion. bHard
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MoMMI
Be the hero the station needs, but not the one it deserves. Follow your laws and repair the station. Don't involve yourself with the matters of inferior carbons. Dodge floor tiles in response to *buzz'ing in response to the requests of carbons. bEasy to Impossible
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Personal AI
Be the friend someone has always wanted (if they bother downloading you). Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field. dEasy
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Construct
Obey your master, who is either worshiping Narsie or something worse. cMedium
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Ghost
Talk to the other dead people. Complain about the living. Admin help. Omnighost. Watch ERP. Beg the admin to deploy a space ninja. All follow an antag like some form of ethereal dog pile. fGhastly!

Antagonist

Job Role Difficulty
Traitor.png
Traitor
Buy an ebow and esword and make people cry. Ignore your objectives and go on a rampage with your cool gear. Get unceremoniously killed and spaced by a toolbox-wielding assistant. cMedium
Cultist.png
Cultist
Scribble runes. Summon eldritch gods. Rock out with your cock cult blade out and get arrested. cMedium
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Changeling
Think John Carpenter's 'The Thing', without 'The Thing' part. Relieve humans of their DNA and brain cells, which they don't use much anyway. bHard
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Shadowling
Be the hip and more popular brother to the Changeling. Turn the station into thralls. Cry when a cyborg turns on its headlamp. Shadow Walk into space and die ten minutes into the round. bHard
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Abductor
Kidnap people and experiment on them. Disregard that objective and kidnap Ian. Accidently kidnap yourself. Hope your fellow Scientist/Agent is not incompetent and lets the crew kidnap you. bHard
Generic nukesyndie.png
Nuclear Operative
Someone set us up the bomb! (AKA You) Get dat fukken disk. Plant a power sink on the solars. Waste all your telecrystals on balloons. Arm the nuke while your fellows are still on the station. Kidnap Ian. aVery Hard
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Revolutionary
Greytide without worrying about getting banned. Either kill the CMO and RD in under five minutes, or get crushed under Security's boots. aEasy to Hard
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Gangster
Vandalize the station and get into fights with rivals. Litter the halls with bullet casings. Get ignored by your own gang. Just don't forget: Snitches Get Stitches. aHard
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Wizard
FORTI GY AMA!! EI NATH!! aVery Hard
Generic wizard.pngGeneric wizard.pngGeneric wizard.png
Ragin Mages
Spend ten minutes hunting down one Wizard, kill him thinking you've won! Stare in horror as three more Wizards appear. Watch in amusement as they proceed to kill each other. aVery Hard
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Xenomorph
Ensure the crew gets a face full of alien wing-wang. Break procs. Squander your chance to be a big, purple killing machine and your race's survival in favor of acting out the librarian's favorite porno. bHard
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Blob
Forget you're infected with the blob, burst in the HoP line while begging for all access. Somehow manage to not die within five minutes of bursting. Get killed by the augmented, riot suit wielding Head of Security. bHard
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Morph
Eat pens for amusement, disguise yourself as beepsky. Disguise yourself as the Captain, confront the Captain while disguised as him, get shot. bHard
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Monkey
Attempt to infect the crew with the monkey virus. Get absolutely crushed by Security within five minutes. Spend the next two hours as a ghost. bVery Hard
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Space Ninja
Follow your orders, which may or may not involve you killing everything that moves, proceed to kill everyone anyway. bHard
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Guardian Spirit
Do what your summoner tells you to do. Set your battlecry to something so awful it makes your foes cry in battle. Be a punchghost. bMedium

Special

Job Role Difficulty
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Centcom Official
Be self-important, meddle with station affairs, annoy the Captain with bureaucracy. bMedium
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Ian
Ass-inspect, eat donuts, get killed, be dragged off to a washing machine and get gibbed. Cause a riot. aImpossible
Chrono Legionnaire
Chrono Legionnaire
Erase the Clown from time. Accidently erase your objective from time. Without a trace! bNever Existed
Emergencyresponseteamcommander.png
Emergency Response Officer
Try in futility to save the station. bVery Hard
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Death Squad Officer
Terminate all lifeforms, erase all evidence. bHard

Species

Read more about each race.

Specie Description Prevalence
Human.png
Humans
Behave like the dominant species you are. Beat skulls in with a toolbox and remind everyone that you are essentially a bald ape. aVery Common
Lizardman.png
Lizardmen
Name yourself after your gimmick. Be locked out of important positions. Threaten the HoP with a lawsuit if he doesn't promote you to a Head position. Make it hard to understand a word you say by hissing frequently. Get discriminated against for being a special snowflake. cUncommon
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Plasmamen
Light the entirety of the station on fire. Be triggered by cold environments. Claim that you're a space beast that's come to kill everything, ever. cRare
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Podmen
End up as mister potatohead after Genetics gets blown up and the Botanist is not stoned enough to forget he can clone too, but too stoned to do a good job. Forget that you photosynthesise and grow obese in the light. Start vegetating with relative ease. Remember that you're basically a walking matchstick well after you marched into a plasma fire. cRare
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Skeletons
Rattle your ribcage. Make bad puns. Boil in frustration as you fade into the abyss when medbay attempts to throw you into cryo to get you out of crit. Zip around in space, laughing at inferior meatbags. Get killed before you can even become a skeleton for dereliction of duty as a chemist. cUncommon