Meteor Guide



So there you are, minding your own business in the medbay, eying a pretty little nurse at the desk. Seems like your average day, then a giant FLAMING ROCK OF DEATH mauls that pretty little dame's FACE OFF and leaves you on the ground, freezing and choking.

Welcome to meteor.

Well shit, what do I do from here?
First and foremost, you are going to want to get the FUCK out of any extremities of the station. Done? You still alive? Good, you've got more to do. Get your ass to EVA and grab a suit before they're all gone.

But what if the suits are gone?
Well you better pray to Space Jesus that the people who took them are doing their job and trying to contain the hull breaches. Find one who is using it for nothing other than to go hit on that pretty nurse's corpse and down manly dorfs? Well shit, get the nearest extinguisher and knock his ass out, take his suit, Try to find a fire suit or a chemical way to survive in space and do your duty to the station by patching up the parts that are now exposed to hard vacuum.

But I don't know how to fix the station or I'm lazy!
Then you give that damn suit up to the station's true heroes and you go hide in the bar like the little pansy you are. You ready to actually help the station? Good, cause here's what you're going to do.

Stockpile the materials you need
You go find that metal, those rods, and that glass, and you keep them close to your heart. In your backpack. Which is somehow really close to your heart through space radiation. Environmental computers are a nice tool to have to figure out what's hit, but honestly all you'd really need to do is take three steps and start choking to find damage.

YES WE CAN!
But Marty, what am I supposed to do when there's no ground to speak of? You use those rods to make a lattice by clicking on the tile of empty space, then you click that fancy metal in your hand and make some floor tiles (but do not use all your metal on floor tiles unless you want pretty floors surrounded by vacuum,) and place those fuckers right on top of that lattice all nice and pretty.

Now, find the outer area that's exposed to space, step on that tile, and click the metal in your hand. Build a wall girder. Now that that's built, you wrench that fucker in place. Still with me? With that metal you have, click on the girder. Before you know it, you'll have a nice shiny wall. That will be destroyed in 10 seconds, but it sure is pretty.

So is this just an endless cycle of me building walls and floors and them getting destroyed again?
You're pretty smart, common man whose questions I am making up as I go. Yes. But, once that magic invisible timer hits the right time, the shuttle will be able to be called, and that's where your true job comes in.

And she's building a stairway to the escape shuttle.
You ever been in space? No? I don't believe you. In space, you can not freely move short of using a jetpack/fire extinguisher/throwing shit in the opposite direction of where you want to go. Kind of makes it hard for a man to get to the shuttle, don't you agree? That's where you come in, you manly engineer of the gods. Remember how you replaced those floor tiles? Guess what you can freely walk on in space.

Go on, guess.

Did you say floor tiles? I think you did, and that means you're right. Your prize? You get to build a bridge to the escape shuttle doors.

How do I begin?
I will assume you know enough of the map layout to realize where the escape shuttle door will be, but if you don't, once you hit the escape hallway it's straight right from the middle of the three airlocks leading to that hall. Is that whole portion of the station space? Well shit, you'll just have to make a jagged ass bridge. You're going to need some iron rods and floor tiles, you can use the rest of your metal to make these since by this point hull breaches are pretty much worthless to repair. Build your bridge tile by tile, placing lattice then floor tile, until you reach that shuttle door.

I built that bridge, yessir. Built it good, I did.
Good job! But your work's not done.

You mean I can't hide in a sleeper until the shuttle leaves?
You can, but you're more of a man than that. Seeing as if you've followed this guide you have an EVA suit or are some sort of vampire demon invincible to vacuum and suffocation like in my one Inuyasha fanfiction, you are one of the few people left who can save people and get them on the shuttle. So you're gonna walk back out on that bridge and look for people not in EVA gear who are slowly moving across it, and you're going to pull them in to that shuttle, by god. Remember, it's not about if you win or lose, it's about being the hero the station deserves needs and getting mad props and crazy pussy robusted by an assistant for doing it. (If you're lucky, an admin might spawn you a medal of honor.)

I think I saved everyone I could, now what?
Listen to the meteors hit the shuttle and BY GOD do not stand near a window. If possible, wrench a chair and make a locker out of the metal then close yourself in it, it's a well known fact that lockers are made of magicium, a special mineral that can take a meteor blast and leave the inhabitants of the locker untouched while the locker is turned in to magicium dust. Due to resource shortages, Nanotrasen has used up all the magicium in constructing these lockers, forcing Space Wizards to hoard the rest and pissing them off even more. So no locker hiding for you.

IF SHIT GOES BAD
Here's what you do

I couldn't find a suit!
Hide in the bar, it is based around the technology proposed in Ronald Reagan's Star Wars speech. Get the air canister from the emergency closet next to botany, and hole up inside the bar with them. if the bar DOES become penetrated by meteors, retreat further towards the bridge.

I'm an engineer!
Turn off that god damn singularity, backpack all the metal and shit you can find, put the rest in a locker, and haul ass to escape with your fancy engineering space suit.

No one built a bridge!
Well shit. Use a fire extinguisher (remember to click on it with it in your hand to turn off the safety) to ghetto-jetpack your way to the shuttle. No fire extinguisher? Double shit. Throw a pen or something in the opposite direction of the shuttle, due to space magic a small pen will propel a human at unsightly speeds in vacuum.

No one built a bridge but I'm EVA and have a jetpack!
Find people who are trying to get to the shuttle and freezing, grab them, and throw them in a straight line at the door (make sure it hits the actual open door or they will bounce off and at the best wind up hitting you in the face, at the worst taking a scenic visit to the derelict)

The meteors have hit as far as the bridge!
Try and find a small room (see: aux tool storage, chemical storage) to hide in, as they tend to not get hit.

The epilogue
With all this being said, meteor rounds don't tend to end very nicely for most players, chances are you are one of the corpses. If that happens, ghost around and laugh at all the carnage. Don't let your death get to you, as meteor rounds take almost no time to end and then it's back to another game mode (hopefully.)